mradermacher/Mistral-7B-sarcasm-scrolls-v2-GGUF
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cracked | if_beer_ads_were_forced_to_be_honest_beer_commercial_parody | Carp's signature summer ales. When friends gather, tradition, craftsmanship, and quality blend together into an affordable brain and liver poison, we're sure you'll love. Because it's chemically dependence-forming in a portion of the population, every bottle of carps is guaranteed to kill enough of your brain to impair... |
cracked | tinder_vs_okcupid_3_important_differences_rom_com | I don't understand. I use your dating website. Why'd you bring me in here to use Kindlin? Market research? We want to get a sense of what your experience is like with our competitors. I heard Kindlin was just for hookups. That's not really my... This robot's just for hookups?
Asian. Asian nurse.
It doesn't work that ... |
TheOnion | The_Booker_Monroe_Story_The_First_African_American_To_Use_A_Whites_Only_Glory_Hole | Although he is mentioned in few textbooks, Booker Monroe made history in 1965 as the first African American to use a whites-only glory hole. Despite white glory holes having better funding, maintenance, and sanitation, racial segregation of public utilities was upheld under the Supreme Court until the 1954 ruling of Br... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_a_gnu_linux_user_cd_2 | Okay, so let's start. What is going on?
I will not speak to make a broadcast that is not being viewed with free software. Please don't watch this on your Macbook.
When I was a PhD, I failed all of my essays. It said clearly. This essay is useful but without warranty.
Yes, supply with tea and milk, tea with milk and ... |
dropout | don_t_laugh_news_bed_bug_alert | Lil' Dairy, Lil' Daisy Creamers. And Whelan Fatback Wieners.
Oh shit. From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Betoota_Podcast_Ep120_Jackie_Trad_MP | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to The Batooter Advocate radio show recording live here from downtown Batooter in the old city district and there's a lot going on in the world today, you're joined by myself, Clancy Overall and of cour... |
dropout | jake_and_amir_s_tour_highlights_presented_by_schick | Hey, Jake here. Jake here too.
No. Why not?
We're excited to be going on tour for chick So excited in fact that we made this video of our fans taking the chick hydro challenge. Let's go to us Thanks Jake and Amir. So here we are with our barber Jason. You're ready to take the chick hydro challenge Which means I get t... |
cracked | 5_people_who_need_to_put_down_their_f_ing_camera_the_spit_take | Hello the internet, and welcome to another spit take. My name is Jack O'Brien. I'm the Editor-in-Chief of Cracked, and today's episode is brought to you by the letters P and F for put the phone down and f***ing run already. Together they make the sound these people cause in my soul.
There was a time not long ago when ... |
SaturdayNightLive | zagat_s_with_hank_beverly_gelfand_anniversary_snl | Zagatz, with your hosts, Hank and Beverly Gelfand. Hello, and welcome to Zagatz. I'm Bev Gelfand, and this is my husband, Hank.
What do you want? Hank and I are celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary tonight, and we're very excited, Hank and I. No! we're going out to dinner for the occasion, but we can't decide wher... |
dropout | what_we_do_to_avoid_our_exes | Ninety-two, ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety-five, ninety-six. I mean, whatever. Anybody can call themselves a foodie. Okay, but all I know is he could list a lot of restaurants.
Oh, do you guys want to go get brunch on Sunday at Fat Cat? Uh, I can't do Fat Cat, guys. Remember my ex, Becca? She works there now. Oh, y... |
cracked | the_ultimate_men_s_fantasy_hotline_isn_t_what_you_think | Late night. Can't sleep.
I know it's on your mind. You want to save your wife and kids from an intruder in your home with that baseball bat you keep under the bed. So they'll respect you again. At Man's Ultimate Fantasy Hotline, we'll make you their ultimate protector. Oh no! I got you! We'll make you feel like a man.... |
dropout | here_s_why_you_probably_shouldn_t_try_something_called_the_dream_eater | What was that? Oh, it's five-hour energy, which you look like you could use. And it's extra strength. Ooh. Ha! Extra strength. I bet I've got something stronger.
Oh, some would call it dark matter. Still others, the energy drink from beyond space-time. Flux water. Liquid light speed. The grimace of dark, dark, dark, d... |
cracked | the_dark_truth_behind_the_most_famous_cartoon_company_ever_today_s_topic | Hey, you ever read our article about 90s cartoons? It's like asking if I ever saw the movie with the zombies in it. The one with the pinky and the brain entry. I think we missed some good stuff there.
The gist of the article is that in the intro sequence, when it says, One is a genius, the other's insane. We could be ... |
dropout | the_six_girls_you_ll_date_in_college | This is you in college, and these are the six girls you'll date in college.
Were you ever good at sports? We don't know, but the daily 4 a.m. burritos haven't helped. You okay?
She looks better in track shorts than literally anything else. Come on, baby. You can do it. Ten more years till touchdown! However, no matte... |
cracked | everything_crazy_happening_at_the_rnc_so_far | Hello and welcome to the first installment of crack's first ever news show the only news show on earth covering the same breaking story Over and over again every single night humanity not doomed after all Sorry for the mix-up. I'm sore and buoy and in the traditional elegant dead way since I'll be your anchor welcome a... |
dropout | bailmitting_making_plans_knowing_you_re_gonna_bail | College Humor's New Words This week's word is bail mitting. Bail mitting results from extreme selfishness, social anxiety, pathology, or in rare cases an impressively shitty mixture of all three. Here's how it works. One kind and thoughtful person, the inviter, asks another much, much worse person, the invitee, if they... |
Wizards_with_Guns | how_to_draw_the_perfect_bath | Hello! I have the towers! Please don't come in. What? I could not hear you. I'm actually not wearing anything. I leave them here and I am gone.
Yes, could you please... The bears. It's looking a bit shallow. No? I don't think... Can I interest you in some fresh lavender to compliment the bear? No, thank you.
When? Pe... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_election_night_snl | Maybe a sketch about them midterms. Oh, what are the midterms?
I don't know. I'm not sure at all. Hey guys, Molly. hey, do you guys know anything about politics? uh, why you need help writing a sketch?
No, no, no, sir. something. Bet something very bad has happened. What's going on? Look, in a shocking upset victory,... |
cracked | the_year_in_douchebaggery_the_news_on_cracked_12_27_07 | It's the end of the year 2007, and this is the News on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and this call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes. Realistically, it probably won't be, though. And now, my friends, it's time for the crack.com year in Douchebaggery. It's the week in Douchebaggery. Yeah, we didn't update the ... |
TheOnion | Human_Head_Found_In_Hamburger | A Burger King customer in Albany, New York got more than he bargained for with his lunch yesterday. Carl Emerson, a local electrician, was surprised to find a human head stuck between the buns of his double whopper cheeseburger. I took a bite and I thought to myself, this isn't right. Emerson said he has no plans to ta... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Big_Backpedal_Jenny_Cops_The_Blame_Pete_Davidson_Bites_Back_More_February_18 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the weekly Batutah Advocate news bulletin recording live here from downtown Batutah Desert Rock FM studios in the old city district only two of us today you've got myself Clancy Overill editor of the Batutah Advocate and ... |
SaturdayNightLive | papyrus_2_snl | Things were starting to look up. Very proud of you Steven. Remember, we're gonna just try to avoid triggers. there it is. I'm sorry. Little setbacks would happen every now and then, but I felt in control.
I can't help you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I can't help you.
I felt like it was all in the past. it was just a bad d... |
dropout | hardly_working_car_alarm | Oh my god, so annoying.
You really think so? Yes. Why?
I, uh, I write car alarms on the weekends. That one was actually one of my biggest hits. That was unbearable. Thank you. Wait, hold on, wait a minute. You write car alarms?
That's a thing? I'm in the union. You've probably heard some of my stuff around town. Oh,... |
dropout | make_waiting_for_your_uber_sexy | Let's go back to your place. Let me get an Uber.
Okay.
I'm sorry. That's not sexy. No.
You're getting an Uber.
Not sexy. Oh, damn it. It was so sexy a second ago. You know, we could make this sexy.
Yeah. Oh. Yeah, hey. It's surge pricing right now. I'm going to surge in you. Oh, no. Too much too fast. No, yeah. Yo... |
ClickHole | watch_the_big_bang_theory_with_more_laughter_added_in | Ice Dragon, Lesser Warlord of Ka'a. Not so fast.
Infinite Sheldon. Infinite Sheldon? Yes, Infinite Sheldon defeats all other cards and does not violate the rule of its co-made cards because I made it for him.
Do you understand why people don't want to play with you? No. Although it's a question I've been pondering si... |
TheOnion | Osama_Bin_Laden_Foundation_Awards_Fellowships_To_20_Promising_Young_Terrorists | Following the Osama bin Laden Foundation's announcement of their 2013 Mohammed Attar Fellowship winners, 22-year-old recipient Shaheed Farooq spoke with The Onion about being named one of the top 20 young terrorists to receive the prestigious $20,000 grant to study under experienced Islamic extremists. When the Attar o... |
cracked | who_will_be_the_new_rick_morty | How will the show Rick and Morty continue without the voices of Rick and Morty? It will continue, but the show is looking to replace Justin Roiland, co-creator and lead voice actor of the massively popular and massively memed adult swim show Rick and Morty. That's right, the voices of both Rick and Morty are played by ... |
cracked | why_nostalgia_is_total_bull_people_watching_10 | So it seems like nostalgia is a thing these days Probably every toy I had as a kid is now a movie trilogy and the new games look like old games and everything is in fashion And yeah, yeah, you're nodding. Okay, you know what I mean.
It does seem like the past is the fucking place to be When you were a kid you had a bi... |
dropout | jake_and_amir_the_adobe_imagination_challenge_sponsored | I think the key is to just do what you like doing and do it consistently to the point that like if it's funny it'll find an audience. And don't wait for permission is the huge thing. You're not going to find somebody to sponsor your web series before you make it.
Jake Hurwitz and I'm Amir Blumenfeld. We are web series... |
cracked | why_back_to_the_future_is_secretly_horrifying_after_hours | We don't have to get into a thing. Look around you, Soren. We are in a thing. This is us, in a thing.
Do you think she heard me say no raisins? I mean, she didn't write it down. What are we talking about?
Back to the future. I'm allergic to raisins. Oh, specifically how it has the worst ending in movie history. So, l... |
cracked | director_s_corner_new_guy_weekly | Hi, YouTube, this is Alex with another this week We go inside the making of cracked videos with a segment I call director's corner guys I'm here with Adam Ganser He is an editor and a writer and a director he's got his director head on today You know figuratively to tell us about how a crack video gets directed. Thank ... |
SaturdayNightLive | nick_burns_your_company_s_computer_guy_new_tech_guy_saturday_night_live | Oh, darn it, my computer froze again. You know, it hasn't been the same since that virus attacked the system.
Did anyone call Nick Burns? Yeah, I called him about half hour ago. he told me to go soak my head. I don't like that guy.
Well, I tried to run that Norton program to fix it, but it didn't work. And I don't kn... |
dropout | you_can_never_take_the_last_cookie | Ooh. Only some for someone else. Did you catch the newest ninja butt warriors? Uh, hell yeah I did. I don't want to take the whole thing. Do you remember when that lady used her butt to headbutt the other guy's butt? I rewound and I was still surprised. You taped it? Oh yeah, I tape everything. Huh, are we talking butt... |
cracked | if_buzzfeed_videos_were_openly_insane | No, I've never tried that before. Uh, no, I have never tried it before, but I wanted to, so...
I know my mom has done it, but I mean, I think she was like in her 20s. It was a long time ago. I feel excited. I'm very excited, actually, because I heard it's supposed to be life-changing. I've heard it's a huge financial ... |
cracked | why_the_sandlot_is_secretly_about_american_racism | The Sandlot was the movie that taught us that terrorizing old blind men is awesome. So you're the one that's making all that racket. Low-level sexual assault is hilarious. And moving to a new town is pretty easy when you have a living saint in your neighborhood desperately trying to fill out the roster of his baseball ... |
SaturdayNightLive | inside_politics_cold_open_snl | Good afternoon, I'm Dana Bash, and welcome to inside Politics. we'll give Wolf Blitzer an edible and an hour to solve the Middle East. But first, on Tuesday, President Joe Biden won the Michigan Primary.
But a New York Times poll today has him down five points, and many voters still have concerns about his age.
Here ... |
dropout | Who_Tried_To_Join_a_Gang | Who tried to join a gang? I'm going to say, because he's from Compton. I knew it was Compton.
Hey, your words, not mine. That it has to be iffy. I'm going to go out and say that it isn't me. Okay. Oh, no. Well, who else would it be?
Yeah. You know, it would be someone, one of y'all who tried to join a gang. It did cr... |
SaturdayNightLive | avatar_snl | I'll be. As Chief of this clan, it's my job to keep you all safe. in doing that, I must tell the truths of this war. What's going on, Jake Sully? There are reports. the humans have infiltrated the Omatakaya clan. I fear there are sky people living among us, disguised as avatars. That can't be. No! these are our brother... |
dropout | hitting_on_other_employees_like_bartenders | Hi, what can I get ya? Hey, um, you know what, I'm sorry, I'm still deciding. Pretty crowded in here, huh? Yeah, it's a bar. So what would you like? Uh, you know what, um, what's your favorite drink here? I wanna have whatever your favorite seasonal produce is.
So like, how'd you wind up doing this? Because, you know,... |
cracked | the_truth_about_taking_guns_away_from_cops | Hello, the name's Constable Charlene, don't worry, I'm not going to shoot you, I don't even own a gun.
What? Why not?
Because luckily for you, my drunken tourist friend in 2021, American police shot and killed 1,054 people. Well, British police shot two. Whew! Good thing I got arrested here.
Did you know that, inste... |
TheOnion | Pigmaster_General_Porkin_Across_America_Ep_7 | My body may still be recovering from several draining pig organ transplants after I had my heart attack when I was skyping my way into my murdered niece's funeral, but I'm only one-fifth of the way through my pig odyssey. Next stop, the Cleveland Hog Fair, where this year I'm serving as the Honorable Pig Master General... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_The_Hobbit_The_Battle_Of_The_Five_Armies | I think you're trying to save your dwarvish friends, but it does not dissuade me from my course. You started this, me friend, dear. You will forgive me if I finish it.
This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion. Today, I'll be looking at The Hobbit, The Battle of the Five Armies, director Peter Jackson's ... |
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